Leading as a Unicorn: Building Confidence by Owning Your Gifts

A few years ago, I stepped into a role that felt impossibly big.

I joined the federal government as a faculty member with the Federal Executive Institute in the Center for Leadership Development. In this role I was tasked with developing leadership capacity of senior executives across federal agencies like NASA, USDA, FDA, NSA, and others. I was young compared to the rest of our team. I was new to government. I looked different than everyone else in the room.

And very quickly, I realized I stood out. Not just a little. Unicorn-level stood out.

My first week on campus, a security officer couldn’t find my name on the faculty list. He smiled and said, “Oh, I was checking under the students.” Because surely someone who looked young like me couldn’t be on the list of esteemed faculty.

Not exactly the confidence boost you want before walking in to lead a room full of seasoned federal executives.

The Confidence Gap No One Talks About
I was nervous and deeply unsure of how I would be perceived. These leaders had decades more experience than me. They had worked within the federal system for most of their careers. With a background in higher education, I had worked with undergraduate college students.

How in the world was I going to influence them?

Before the first program kicked off, my supervisor asked how I was feeling. I shared my doubts, and she gave me some powerful advice in just one simple request:

“Recognize and own the gifts you bring to this role.”

Not who I thought I should be.
Not who others expected me to be.
Just… me. My gifts. My strengths. My presence.

She told me:
Stand strong in them, use them, and you will be incredibly successful.

Those words changed everything. 

Leading From the Inside Out
I took time to name the gifts I knew I brought to the table:

• I’m a deep listener
• I help people feel seen and safe
• I ask powerful questions that shift perspective
• I read the room, the spoken and unspoken
• I hold space for authenticity

When I grounded myself in those truths, something shifted.
I stopped leading from the outside in, constantly scanning for what others wanted from me, and started leading from the inside out.

I trusted myself.
I trusted my value.
I trusted that I belonged.

And that internal grounding became essential, because…

When You Don’t Fit the Mold, People React
There were raised eyebrows. Comments about my wardrobe. Snide remarks about my age including: “I don’t think you have enough gray hairs to do this job.”

Oof.

But here’s the thing, those comments were never about me.
They were reflections of someone else’s story about who belongs in the leadership space.

So I decided something important: I wouldn’t let their stories define mine.

Breaking Stereotypes and Having Fun With It
As new executives arrived for each program, I began to enjoy that familiar moment of skepticism, the side-eye that said, Really? You’re our facilitator?

Because I knew something they didn’t yet:
By the end of the week, they would see me differently.
And they did.

Again and again, participants came up to me and said: “I was skeptical at first… but I was wrong. I learned so much from you.”

Failing to fit the mold wasn’t a weakness, it was my advantage.

Being a Unicorn Leader
If you’re someone who feels like you don’t quite fit, here’s what I want you to know:

You are not the problem.
The mold is the problem.

When you feel like a unicorn leader:

✨ Return to yourself
✨ Get clear on the gifts only you bring
✨ Trust in what you’ve cultivated over time
✨ Lead from that grounded inner knowing

That’s where confidence comes from.
That’s where influence begins.
That’s where authenticity becomes power.

As my mentor told me and I’m passing on to you:
When you own your gifts, you will be wildly successful.

Supporting Unicorn Leaders Everywhere
Today, this is exactly what I help leaders do through coaching:

• Tap into self-trust
• Break outdated stereotypes
• Lead with authenticity
• Make a meaningful impact in their organizations and communities

If you’re ready to build confidence from the inside out, not by trying to fit in, but by owning what makes you unique, I’d love to talk.